A Newly Single Person’s Guide to Relationship Recovery
Speaking freely, breakups can suck. This is especially true when they have turned ugly due to lies, deceit, and selfishness. Unfortunately, this can leave you unsure about who you are or how you became this unrecognizable person. It is way too common for people to step “out of character” and act like someone they honestly can’t stand when dealing with a bad relationship. And to make matters worse, these “characteristics” can be carried over to the next relationship without proper relationship recovery.
The good news is there is always hope for people who have managed to break free from unworthy relationships. Support from family and friends, therapy, and group counseling can provide extra comfort during such difficult situations. It can also be an opportunity to take a step back and do some self-exploration and healing.
Let’s be real though, sometimes you don’t want to talk to anyone. Especially if it feels like those closest to you are being judgy and pushy. Just like any other traumatic experience, it’s best to go at your own pace on the road to recovery.
Now the title says “A Newly Single Person’s Guide to Relationship Recovery“. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you just became single yesterday. If you didn’t, that’s perfectly fine! It could be that you’ve been in a relationship for quite some time and you have no idea how to be single.
In this post, we’ll look at different ways you can reconnect with yourself after a breakup and help transition into the next phase of life. We are going to answer the question of who are you and give some helpful tips about how to regain your individuality and become your best version while being single.
Who are you?
We love being in love but sometimes your authenticity can get painted over with the characteristics of your partner. This is especially common when couples spend a lot of time together and have been in a lengthy relationship. There is nothing wrong with this unless you feel it has taken you away from what truly makes you happy.
After a break up there are tons of emotions everywhere and a handle on life can seem impossible. Once you get a grip, you realize nothing you do or say naturally belongs to you! This is when you can ask yourself this question, “Who are you?”.
If your answers are something other than your current behavior or you cannot come up with any answers at all, then you have more to work on than just getting over your ex!
A newly single person’s guide to relationship recovery is designed to help you focus on the following:
1. Understanding Your Feelings
2. Cultivating a Support System
3. Exploring New Interests
4. Setting Boundaries
5. Moving Forward
These guidelines will prepare you for being with and loving yourself, no matter the reason for the split.
1. Understanding Your Feelings
Emotional overload is an understatement when it comes to your feelings after a break-up. This doesn’t always mean complete sadness and hopelessness. Not everybody feels like the world has ended when it comes to a break-up. For some, this can be raw anger or even awkward relief.
In this post the how or the why it happened isn’t important. What matters is how you move forward from the situation. This means understanding your feelings and how to address them.
If you are overcome with sadness that is normal! And truthfully, being fine in a day or a week is a stretch (for some). But to know that you feel sad or mad is a start. The best way to recover is to feel it and get through it.
Do not let family or friends tell you to “get over it” or “go out” when you are fresh and vulnerable. If you make the suggestion or agree without pressure, that is perfectly fine too.
The point is to be realistic about what is going on with you emotionally at the time. Attempt to make solid decisions about what you do, where you go, and who you spend time with on your road to relationship recovery.
2. Cultivating a Support System
Speaking of who you spend time with, as I mentioned before support is a good thing. Getting your family or friends involved when you’re going through tough times is very common and it can help a great deal.
This may not be easy for some though because they would rather keep their business private or not bother their loved ones with drama. I get it! In that case, maybe seeking professional counseling or therapy is a much better option. There are even free hotlines that you can call, text, or chat online to get immediate support if things seem unbearable.
Even then, talking about it to anybody is out of the question! Not everyone feels the need to discuss the details of a breakup. It’s possible it isn’t serious enough for all of that. You may not be ready to talk about it or you just want to move the fuck on! That is also normal. Cultivating a support system can mean other things, you know?
Furry friends
Animals aka furry friends can be more comforting than humans simply because they are just “there”. You know what I mean? Without questioning, judging, suggesting, poking, getting on your nerves! They are alive and great at listening (or pretending to listen lol). Furry friends can provide laughter just by watching them. The responsibility of caring for them can even give you a legitimate excuse to focus on something other than yourself for a little while.
Internet/ Apps
This one is obvious or else you wouldn’t be reading this post right now! There are countless pieces of information on the internet about dealing with break-ups. But I mentioned this to use it to read the stories of others who have been in your shoes. This way, you get a form of support from people without feeling like your privacy is invaded.
And yes, this includes animal videos! It may sound bizarre, but just like owning a pet, watching pets and other animals can lift spirits just the same. The internet is crawling with stories and videos of furry friends and other animals of the world. Whether it’s ocean creatures or jungle beasts, watch nature videos on YouTube or animal documentaries on Netflix.
It might be a screen, but it can still feel like you are connected to the people telling their stories or the animal kingdom.
3. Exploring New Interests
A newly single person’s guide to relationship recovery can mean revisiting hobbies that you once enjoyed. Bike riding, collecting, DIY, music, club/organization member, or anything that makes you feel like yourself are strongly encouraged when you are in relationship recovery. But there are always exceptions.
So what if your hobbies were more like vices? Maybe you partied more than you worked. Or perhaps you overindulged in smoking, alcohol, gambling, or shopping. This is the perfect opportunity to become the best version of yourself ( or get back to your best version).
Picking up new interests can help create that positive happy person that you want to be. There aren’t any limits when it comes to exploring what is out there because there are just so many. I will list some from very basic to extreme interests.
Basic Interests (Free, minimal, or moderate money)
Most of these interests are free. Libraries still exist and checking out a book is free with a library card. There is usually a fee for joining a gym, your local YMCA, or park district programs.
1. Walking – walk in parks or neighborhoods you’ve never been to, a trail at a forest preserve, or a mall if it’s cold.
2. Reading – If you read, try a new genre. If you don’t read, try reading a book based on your favorite movie.
3. Exercise – There are plenty of options here. Yoga, cardio, weightlifting, pilates, HIIT, dancing, sports, swimming. You get the drift, get up and move!
4. Volunteering – There are lots of volunteer opportunities. Not everyone wants to pass out soup at a shelter (no judgment here). Volunteer how you want. Just search for volunteer opportunities near me and you will get a list of websites (specifically for your area). Not sure, just look it up. You might find something that interests you!
5. Collecting – Collections can get pretty pricey but there are plenty that can start without paying anything upfront. It depends on what you want to collect!
6. Lessons – The average rate for “piano lessons” in my area is as low as $15 per hour. Check out other music lessons like violin or voice/singing which can range from $30 to $85.
Extreme Interests (expensive money)
7. Lessons – You’re like “You said lessons already!”. I know, but this time I’m talking about snorkeling, skiing, or helicopter lessons. Yes! These are more extreme not to add more expensive. For example, snorkeling lessons may start at only $50, but the fins, breathing apparatus, and wetsuit can run well into the hundreds.
8. Mountian climbing/ Cave exploration – Purchase your gear and get on a plane (if needed). You have new heights to reach and a new world to explore!
9. Traveling – You can go anywhere you want. plane tickets aren’t cheap for the average working person. So to make traveling a hobby can become quite expensive. However, if you can afford to, check your Rapid Rewards because you’re about to use them!
10. Tour Traveling – I don’t know exactly what you might call these people. So I just gave it my name lol. This is when a person goes to their favorite artist’s concerts wherever they tour. This could mean trips all over the world in some cases! This hobby is a helluva good one, if you have the time and the means to do so!
This can also apply to what I call traveling with a cause. Yeah, I’m making up names again! Anywho, this is when you take trips to different places for something in particular like food or architecture. This can be done locally. But it can get as extreme as going from your home in Nebraska, USA to Sidney, Australia just to eat pavlova!
4. Setting Boundaries
Ugh! Setting boundaries is tough all on its own. Doing this for the sake of recovering from a relationship isn’t any easier. However, learning the reason why setting boundaries is so important to your recovery may help you see this step through.
Boundaries will keep you in a space that is necessary for you to think about why the relationship went the way it did. All of the choices you and your ex made need to be examined thoroughly to understand why you are currently single. This is a painful process.
Thinking about your ex is not what anyone wants to do and sometimes it seems like you don’t have a choice. However, over time you will be able to control your thoughts and have happier days. So, in the meantime, staying away from your ex is crucial.
This is where boundaries come in.
Say no to meetings or encounters. Especially ones where the two of you will be alone. Being in the same room can spark old flames that can potentially push you backward instead of forward.
Stop answering the phone and text messages. Politely tell them that you require space and you will take it. If they can not respect your wishes, there will be no chance of repairing the relationship at all (if that is something you want or are considering).
Take. Your. Time. Your feelings are important and you should take all the time you need to address them. Without interruptions or influence.
Indulge in self-care. You are important, and your vulnerable emotions after a breakup need extra TLC. This is the perfect time to indulge in self-care especially if you have not been able to fully pay attention to yourself.
Let’s wrap up with the fifth tip in the newly single person’s guide to relationship recovery.
5. Moving Forward
Having set boundaries is required to move forward. Remember, this post is about relationship recovery for the newly single person. In other words, it is NOT a “How To Get Back With Your Ex” post.
This means improvement on your end as an individual will help you to live a full life as a presently single person. No, you don’t have to be single forever. Then again, if you choose to stay single because it allows you to focus on just yourself or your kids (if any), that’s perfectly fine too. But this will help you choose the right partner in the future if you are still interested.
This also means there is ALWAYS hope for you to thrive in a meaningful relationship. . . when you are ready. If your path leads you back to your ex because the two of you became happier and healthier together after the split, that’s a success.
I want you to know that recovering from a breakup doesn’t have to be a long and grueling journey. Taking the time to practice self-care, nurture relationships, and try out new activities can be just what you need to transition to a new, fulfilling phase of life. And this concludes a newly single person’s guide to relationship recovery.
Final Thoughts
Now that you’ve got a good understanding of relationship recovery, put your newfound knowledge into action. Let me know in the comments what steps you’re taking to reconnect with yourself. I sincerely encourage you to try these out, keep moving forward, and do what works for you. Good luck and thanks for reading!
